i.s. ii (rewrite)
crushed, beheaded
directionless, incinerated
headless horseman
mindless body
only heart
he didn’t survive
assuredly lackless
beyond revive
if only more sound
more glorysome
despite defeat
rather overcome
19 June 2008 at 8:01 am
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Ha. Very fun to read this MattWricks. I like how you emphasize the bleakness of the pre-overcome stage, which remains tenuous at best, “If only. . .”
The first stanza reminds me of the small group of Japanese soldiers who were marching moments before the big blast over Hiroshima. They kept walking, but only as melted stacks of flesh. It was an eery site: still in formation, clothes burned and tattered and facial features bubbled over, people could not tell if they were marching forward or backward! But they kept on.
“Only heart” that is the hope.
Comment by Sunsun — 19 June 2008 @ 3:17 pm
I certainly took liberties as I struggled with the last stanza. From inventing words (glorysome) to choosing ‘despite’ over ‘in spite’, ‘respite’ and just plain old ‘spite’.
Comment by MattWriks — 19 June 2008 @ 8:09 pm